timing

As I sat down to write tonight I thought about timing.... God's timing is just amazing! I was thinking about my blog yesterday and how it sounded a bit juvenile because ultimately what I was writing about was rejection. And it got me thinking today about how many times in my life I have struggled with that very issue. Whether it be rejection by the boy in High School who you REALLY like but he just wants to be friends, or the friends in college who you feel like you but just don't get you... or the boss who seems fine with your quitting and that feeling you get inside, like "if they just knew me, they would understand, love me, want me to stay..." And how often do we want that in our lives? All the time, we want people to "get" us, and love us anyway. I thought about how years ago, a counselor I had after I came home from Ireland gave me this great book called The Search for Significance and it was about the many ways we, as humans, desire to feel significant... and as I read the book I was struck over and over again by what a people pleaser I was and how much I was motivated through not wanting to feel rejection. And I remember talking about that with the counselor, reading the book, and thinking, "OK I've dealt with that, now I can move on..." However I realized today as I thought about yesterdays blog and how I was writing about that very issue again, how God's timing brought that issue back to me. He wanted to remind me that I need only impress Him and live out of my Spirit and if I am doing those things I will find the right people, I will not be rejected when it matters most! And I felt healed of it in a way that I hadn't felt after reading that book years ago. It, of course, helps that I am 30 something, not 20 something and have grown up a bit, but I also think God uses other things in our life to bring us to a new place and that is what He is doing with me now. And although I am scared to become a new person, and worried I will fall back into old habits, I am also excited!
So I am trying to just be open to Gods timing... and take what is handed to me, when it's handed to me!

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