So today when I was thinking about/praying about what I should write about something from like 14 years ago, back when I came back to God the first time, popped into my head, I decided to go with it! So I went on this retreat and they had this cheesy, kinda immature skit, but it stuck in my head, and I mean really stuck! The point did anyway, it was about businesses and how we busy our lives so we don't have to actually think about what is hurting us or what is weighing us down. In other words so we can avoid what God is doing or saying to us! Because it hurts to grow. Anyway the skit was about a little girl who was growing up in a broken home, her parents fought all the time and it was really breaking her heart. So rather than dealing with it she shut it out, the noise of the fighting, the hurt, the pain etc. And she built a safe little wall around her heart so no one could hurt her. She had a piece of fruit or something to symbolize her heart, and she kept putting more and more layers on this piece of fruit and it was like a barbed wire fence (not real obviously) anyway every time she turned away from the pain in her life and built the fence stronger and closer to herself it harmed her. This fence to protect herself from the pain she was feeling at home, was hurting her! Anyway today I was driving around thinking about that, about how whenever I try to protect myself and I turn inward, I am actually doing a disservice to myself. I am hurting myself by trying to protect myself from pain! The pain I avoid, causes new pain! And I thought about why I had avoided blogging for so long, it's because even though I have a lot to say and a lot on my heart to share, I have been avoiding it because I don't want to get rejected. I don't want people to say that they don't want to hear it and turn away from me. But by not writing and speaking out when I feel called to do so, I am hurting myself.. instead of facing others rejection, I am rejecting myself! Who I am! So NO LONGER will I do that! I will not bully others to listen, or become one of those people who says I have something to say and I haven't been heard so listen and like it.... No... I will just not be afraid anymore! Others rejection can't be near as bad as my own rejection of myself, it hurts way more!
So be good to yourself! Love yourself and love will flow from you to others!

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