Is grief piling up?

 

Yep still talking about grief.... I know it may seem strange but I feel like I have learned a lot about grief in the past few years. And as I have walked through this season I see how I lack of understanding or lack of value placed on grief has made it hard for some of us to take in all that is going on in the world.  That as things have unfolded, the pandemic, the social unrest, the political environment, the constant bad news... that as all of that has come rushing towards us, we’ve gotten more afraid, more angry, more sad and anxious. But for many of us, we’ve likely not given ourselves space to actually grieve all those things. 

For me, when I don’t grieve something or I attempt to just be ok, when I’m not, I end up experiencing a lot of anxiety. And obviously in this season there is a lot of unknowns and a lot of waiting to see how things will turn out which can also cause anxiety. But if we don’t give ourselves an opportunity to cry it out, we may have more anxiety than we need to.  As a Christian the temptation is sometimes to say, “I know who wins, I know the Lords got this and I know everything will be ok, because He promised us that.’ And while that is true. He also promised that we would have trials and sometimes suffering. And he modeled for us how to handle that.  One of the Bible verses I think about a lot is Jesus Wept (John 11:35). And what always strikes me about that verse is that Jesus likely came that day with the intention to raise Lazarus from the grave. He likely already knew the hopeful, exciting miracle that was going to take place. But in his humanity he allowed himself to join in with the mourners and feel the gravity of what had taken place. He allowed himself to weep and cry for the loss of his friend, for the pain his friend’s sisters were feeling. He was compassionate to what was going on.  But what I can never get over is that He was the son of God and He knew all would be fine, but He still wept.  So, for me personally, when I try to sweep my feelings under the rug and say, everything is going to be fine, but I don’t allow myself to feel the weight of what is going on, I end up feeling even worse. Sweeping those feelings under the rug means they are still there and will likely still surface at some point.  

So my invitation to myself, and to anyone who has read my past few blogs is this.... give yourself space to grieve today and treat those around you more tenderly because perhaps they are grieving something in this season. And many are actually grieving the loss of loved ones. But my biggest purpose for writing about grief today is to give yourself permission to grieve ALL the losses. The loss of graduations last Spring, of travel plans and vacations, of being around friends and family, the loss of long chats in restaurants, the loss of Christmas shopping with friends, the loss of celebrating birthdays and holidays together. All the losses this season are significant and if we don’t give ourselves space to grieve, we will continue to be weighed down and eventually feel hopeless and discouraged.  The truth is, there is hope, there are things to feel joy about. But real joy can only be experienced when we allow ourselves to feel pain as well.  Give yourself the gift of feeling all the things for Christmas, so you can know true joy on Christmas Day and beyond.