A space for my heart...

 I have a story, like we all do. My life has involved betrayal, trauma, unexpected joys and surprises, death and life all swirled together.  One day maybe I’ll share more of my story here. But today is not that day.  Today I just felt the need to be transparent about the highs and lows of life.  I would say for the most part, despite having healing to do from my past, I am a fairly happy person, who can find the silver lining in almost any thing. But yesterday, yesterday was a bad day. It’s hard to say what set me off.... was it lack of sleep, or a disobedient child or just too many burdens being piled on me at once? I don’t know... but full disclosure I found myself in the fetal position in my room unable to stop crying.  The weight of the day, the week, the year and all the years pressing on my heart until it just had to come out.  As I lay crying I just allowed myself to feel all the feels from 46 years. Like literally I was just a mess. Michael finally came in to see what was going

 What a weird few weeks it’s been. I had all these intentions of writing every day for the rest of December. And instead Michael came down with Covid, quickly followed by me and then Jonah. All the week of Christmas. Not exactly what we were planning.  Monday when it wasn’t looking good. I was so thankful for all the thinking on grieving I’d done. I was able to, after a brief moment of anger... allow myself to grieve what I had expected and planned for for Christmas. And I feel like because I had spent a good few days really processing that I didn’t need to grieve long. I was able to shift my attitude and make the best of our new Christmas plan. Which included just the four of us and no fancy food or family time or drinks late at night with my sisters and mom. Most of which we had already decided not to do anyway, but being positive for Covid made it that much more real. Anyway it ended up being a very relaxed and chill Christmas. A lot of the traditions were left behind but you know w