A Covid Christmas and a trip to the zoo

 What a weird few weeks it’s been. I had all these intentions of writing every day for the rest of December. And instead Michael came down with Covid, quickly followed by me and then Jonah. All the week of Christmas. Not exactly what we were planning.  Monday when it wasn’t looking good. I was so thankful for all the thinking on grieving I’d done. I was able to, after a brief moment of anger... allow myself to grieve what I had expected and planned for for Christmas. And I feel like because I had spent a good few days really processing that I didn’t need to grieve long. I was able to shift my attitude and make the best of our new Christmas plan. Which included just the four of us and no fancy food or family time or drinks late at night with my sisters and mom. Most of which we had already decided not to do anyway, but being positive for Covid made it that much more real. Anyway it ended up being a very relaxed and chill Christmas. A lot of the traditions were left behind but you know what, so was a lot of the stress. It was a very chill few days. And it got me thinking a lot about how our expectations is so often to blame for our stress. And I intend to change some of our traditions to not feel so stressful in the future.  I really want to learn to take the road that involves family and fun, but less stress and changed expectations.  

Perhaps I’m thinking a lot about expectations because the other thing that happened in our house recently is a new puppy. It’s been a blessing and so fun. But the first day involved quite a few tears and some frustration from Lia because it wasn’t what she imagined it would be. Her expectation set the tone for disappointment. Her imagination of how the first 24 hours would look were not the reality. And not only that but she kept imagining that the first 24 was the permanent state of their relationship. And it really got me thinking how we do that in life. We have a vision or an imagination of how we see something happening and when it doesn’t happen that way, not only are we disappointed we also start to tell ourselves it’ll NEVER be what we imagined. It reminds me of a story. It happened a few years ago. Lia was about 2 or 3 years old and therefore Jonah was 13 or 14. Anyway we decided that day to go to the zoo. So we packed in the car and started the about an hour drive. At first Lia was excited and singing songs about going to the zoo while Jonah and I comfortably chatted away in the front seat. Not more than ten minutes in Lia started to question where we were going. It started with your typical, “How much longer?” And “Are we there yet?”  Then it became, “Mommy are we still going to the zoo?” Each time I’d tell her how much longer it’d be and confirm that we were in fact going to the zoo. After about ten to fifteen minutes I heard her say, “Why aren’t we going to the zoo?”  And I attempted to argue saying, we are, we’re in the car, we’re driving there now. And Jonah and I couldn’t help but chuckle at Lia’s insistence that because she didn’t know where we were and why it was taking so long, we must not be going any more. And right in the moment the Lord spoke to me. He said, “This is how so many people are. The ones who don’t have relationship, connection and trust, like you have with Jonah, question everything and then give up too soon. The ones who trust what I say to be true, no matter what can just enjoy the journey and connect and have relationship while we get there.” It was such a profound example to me and I knew so many moments in my life where I had been Lia, excited about something God had said, but as days or weeks or even years went by I lost hope. Not even believing it was still going to happen and not trusting Him or what He said. And other times in my life, because of experience and because of watching Him be faithful, I was like Jonah in that car. Carefree, trusting, just laughing and enjoying the journey because if God said it was going to happen then it was. 

Anyway this past month of quarantining as a family and being in a constant state of surrendering  our plans, traditions and expectations has got me thinking about this story again. And am I Lia on the journey right now, or am I Jonah? Am I questioning and worrying that what He said is true? Or am I just enjoying the process and trusting that He’ll take me where He said He would?  Our expectations can rob us of our joy if we let it. So the goal is to learn to be expectant and hopeful, but surrendered and trusting.  Especially in this season.