connecting...

I was sitting here listening to a Barenaked Ladies song that is super depressing that I love!! And I was thinking to myself, I really shouldn't love this song, it's so sad. But I realized it's because it touches me. It reached through my logics, my business, my distraction ... whatever... and it speaks to my heart. It makes me feel less alone. And it's not that I am alone in this world. But I do FEEL alone sometimes and clearly other people who are not "alone" feel lonely. And it got me thinking about my blog and how the reason I started blogging was because I wanted my heart to be open to reach out more. Its part of why Barenaked Ladies write the sad songs. It's why poets write poems and it's why I need to blog as much as possible. In a world where bad news is MOST of the news I think after awhile we start to wonder if our hearts even work. You can't be saddened by all the sad news you hear because you would be sad all the time. So we just pick and choose what we really feel. And that picking and choosing starts to make us feel so alone. Because we start to question if our hearts are even real. So we put up this wall to protect us from all the sadness or from all the hurt... but the wall to protect us, just harms us more. I know I've blogged about this before. But I am just surprised every time I realize it. Why do I protect myself from the very thing I need more of!? We aren't guaranteed anything in our lives... we don't know how long we'll be here or who in our lives will be there for us... we aren't in control. And that's hard for a control freak like me. So since I'm not in control it means all I can do is control me, so I have to reach out more and give more and live more. Scared or not! It's why we decided to adopt. All we can do is reach out, we can't be sure of the outcome, but if we don't try we'll never know. Anyway I'm just rambling now, but if you're still reading... reach out more! Protect yourself less! In particular with me. I will try my best to be there!

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