Different feeling

After writing yesterday something changed. It was like my avoidance of writing also was making me stay in the fear I have been living in. When I went back and read my post I realized it was almost all fear based. What if this ... what if that... ??? And while I know there are a lot of real things to fear out there, if I live through fear, I will never be able to live the kind of life I want to have. I am always telling my son to "push through the fear, and not be afraid of getting hurt" and I haven't been taking that advice in my life. Anyway after I wrote this yesterday I talked to a couple of friends, one in particular who is going through the adoption process and my whole attitude changed. Is it terrifying? Yes. But is there anything in life worth having that isn't a little scary!? But the real change in m y feeling came when I talked to Michael, who I think I had been waiting on for awhile. And he just basically said, "we've got to do this!" So today I have a different feeling (still scared) but a feeling of hope of movement in my life and that our family is being called to this. Or at least we are being called to step out and try. I don't know if we'll find an agency that's right for us, or if we'll ever be matched with a child, I have no idea what is going to happen. All I know is we need to take the first step towards it. And while I am afraid I know that if I stay afraid, then that's where I'll live.. in fear. So I am putting this out there to hold myself accountable and to take the steps to move forward.

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