waking up...

You know how when you first wake up in the morning (at least for us non morning people) you feel groggy and almost out of place, like there is a fog around you? And it takes a few minutes to convince yourself that you can and will get up? You spend a minute or two just kinda looking around, stretching, maybe thinking about your day, or your dreams last night? You almost moan and groan yourself awake? That's how waking up to my heart is some days. I am reading this amazing book called Waking the Dead by John Eldredge. It's all about how we busy ourselves and grow more and more disconnected from our hearts, which is our connection to God and to others. So since I started reading it, and at the suggestion of my awesome counselor... I have been dedicating an hour to my heart everyday the past few days. And it's tough. I have to really push through the fog, and talk myself into connecting with myself. I have to almost moan and groan my heart awake. It's so easy to think about other things. I have grown so accustomed to staying busy. It's so easy to be like, well I'll get the car washed and then check in with my heart. I'll just do a few more dishes or fold this laundry and then have my quiet time. I find that I have to push through the groggy time. Otherwise it's easy to roll over and go back to sleep! Literally in figuratively. I want to just go back to what I'm used to because it's easier! I think we are so concerned with getting things done that we often miss the most important thing... ourselves. We spend money on new clothes, shoes, tools, things for our house, car, whatever and we don't spend time and energy on our hearts! It's one of the reasons, I see a counselor. If you are going to spend time and money on a doctor... why not spend time and money on someone who will help you be a better version of yourself!? Anyway I just keep thinking about the book and in particular, this one line. It is the line that I know will push me through the busyness and the fog.

"The story of your life is the story of the long brutal assault on your heart by the one who knows what you could be and fears it!"

I wish I could say that I didn't think that quote was true, but I do! And I want to change my story! I want to know what my heart could be if I pushed through the rough days and truly let God heal me? Who would I be right now if the long and brutal assault hadn't taken place? Who will I be in a couple years if I stop the assault NOW and make my heart, my spirit, my number one priority!? It's exciting to think about and it's part of the reason I am sharing my heart here in the blog so that I can't wimp out! :) It's the reason I push through the fogginess and force myself to wake up! Some days are harder, just like getting out of bed is harder some days. Other days I will be strong and fight for myself with more intensity, just like some mornings (although not very many) I pop out of bed ready to go! But I am ready to truly be healed and be truly awake!!!

Comments

Unknown said…
Teresa, that book is so good! i remember waking the dead...i feel like i need to read it again after reading your blog. thanks for sharing!
April 29, 2009 at 4:08 PM
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