coming up for air...

So I went to Hawaii last week with my sisters and despite being sick decided that it would be a good idea to body surf with Janet. And actually it was a good idea, in the sense that we had a total blast! We both got carried in by this one wave and came crashing into the shore, sputtering and in a tangled mess of hair and sand we laughed and laughed about our state and just dove in for more. I remember feeling a bit out of control as the wave carried me to the shore, almost kinda nervous about when the next breath would come and so forth, but not really afraid, just out of control. Today, back home, still trying to recover from my sinus infection or whatever, I got to thinking about how I would like to come up for air from this sickness! I was thinking about how every day that I feel pretty good, I do too much and then the next day, I am sick again. I always push too hard on the good days. And it reminded me of the wave, how even though we were slammed into the sand and a total mess, we just rushed back out into the water. And I think the connection between the two is, is that even though I know I may feel worse tomorrow, every day that I feel well I push myself anyway, I push myself to get out and live! And I thought to myself how often we stop pushing, or don't dive back in because we feel out of control. A lot of my life I have been cautious, I have stopped pushing because "what's the point if I am only going to end up in the same place?" Well one could ask, what's the point in body surfing, you just end up with a ton of sand in your swimsuit and sometimes do a face plant into the the shore with the surf... the point is... it's fun! You swim out, wait for the perfect wave, swim with all your might, sometimes miss it and start over. But when you catch it, you are riding with it for a minute being carried in and it's so fun! Of course in the end you are again smashing into the bottom of the ocean and a tangled mess, but I recall laughing more in the 20 minutes we were body surfing than I did the rest of that day. And I just wonder why it is in life we don't keep diving back in? Is it because we can't predict the crashes like we can waves, or we give up waiting for the perfect thing? What is it that makes us say Forget it? I don't know the answer, I just know that even though tomorrow I may be sicker if I push myself today, that if I don't push myself I will spend another day just sitting, not even looking and waiting for the waves... I don't want to be afraid of the crash, I want to be excited about the ride!

Comments

Director of RE & Adult Faith Formation said…
HEY I didn't know you had a blog!! GOod for you!
April 22, 2009 at 10:36 PM
Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

thank you... for my feeling of discontent

I see the most amazing counselor! (Yes I have issues, and I am not trying to hide that! :) )Anyway, today, like many days, she said something that really got me thinking. She was praying for me, at the end of the session and in her prayer she thanked God for my discontentment. I was floored by that for some reason. It's not like I haven't thought about it before, but I thought about it in a new way today. We are ALL SO discontent with our lives, it's the reason America is in so much trouble... because we've spent so much time and money and effort into finding things, getting bigger houses, better cars, a new different color iPod, etc etc. We just always feel a bit discontent. It's not so much that we are trying to keep up with the Joneses, although some people are... it's that we don't feel settled. We always feel we could have more or be more or that just something isn't right! It isn't actually money we desire more of or cuter clothes or bigger
Read more

quiet

I haven't written in awhile! Probably because when I find it hard to go into what's going on in my heart, I just don't go there! And since my last entry was about waking up to my heart, and I've been doing nothing but avoiding it since, I avoided writing as well! One of the reasons I was inspired to do a blog was reading my friend Charlie's who blogged about his daughters very short, precious life. I was so inspired by his willingness to be open about something so painful and personal. And I was touched by his words all the time! I always felt I could relate even though nothing in my life was as difficult as what he was going through. However I realized over the course of the year that I read his blogs, that I was going through something quite difficult but that I mostly just chose to ignore... that being infertility. I didn't want to give it that name for a long, long time. I just kept saying things like, "we're trying but nothing is happening yet&quo
Read more