A space for my heart...

You know how when you first wake up in the morning (at least for us non morning people) you feel groggy and almost out of place, like there is a fog around you? And it takes a few minutes to convince yourself that you can and will get up? You spend a minute or two just kinda looking around, stretching, maybe thinking about your day, or your dreams last night? You almost moan and groan yourself awake? That's how waking up to my heart is some days. I am reading this amazing book called Waking the Dead by John Eldredge. It's all about how we busy ourselves and grow more and more disconnected from our hearts, which is our connection to God and to others. So since I started reading it, and at the suggestion of my awesome counselor... I have been dedicating an hour to my heart everyday the past few days. And it's tough. I have to really push through the fog, and talk myself into connecting with myself. I have to almost moan and groan my heart awake. It's so easy to thi...

I see the most amazing counselor! (Yes I have issues, and I am not trying to hide that! :) )Anyway, today, like many days, she said something that really got me thinking. She was praying for me, at the end of the session and in her prayer she thanked God for my discontentment. I was floored by that for some reason. It's not like I haven't thought about it before, but I thought about it in a new way today. We are ALL SO discontent with our lives, it's the reason America is in so much trouble... because we've spent so much time and money and effort into finding things, getting bigger houses, better cars, a new different color iPod, etc etc. We just always feel a bit discontent. It's not so much that we are trying to keep up with the Joneses, although some people are... it's that we don't feel settled. We always feel we could have more or be more or that just something isn't right! It isn't actually money we desire more of or cuter clothes or bigger ...

So I went to Hawaii last week with my sisters and despite being sick decided that it would be a good idea to body surf with Janet. And actually it was a good idea, in the sense that we had a total blast! We both got carried in by this one wave and came crashing into the shore, sputtering and in a tangled mess of hair and sand we laughed and laughed about our state and just dove in for more. I remember feeling a bit out of control as the wave carried me to the shore, almost kinda nervous about when the next breath would come and so forth, but not really afraid, just out of control. Today, back home, still trying to recover from my sinus infection or whatever, I got to thinking about how I would like to come up for air from this sickness! I was thinking about how every day that I feel pretty good, I do too much and then the next day, I am sick again. I always push too hard on the good days. And it reminded me of the wave, how even though we were slammed into the sand and a total mess...